We can expect that in general, grief will move from shock (i.e., why
him/her? This is just a bad dream, etc.) to a period of great disorganization
characterized by many of the physical, emotional and cognitive reactions. We
will continue to a reorganizing period. We will look back on the grief
experience as a time of courage and strength. We will begin to find our own
answers to some of the spiritual/philosophical questions ( i.e., ' Life is
worth living - it is a different life, but it's OK, ' and 'My life is not the
same. I am not the same')
Grief has its own timetable. There are no 'should' or definite stages
suggesting you feel better by two months, six months or even one year. Well,
meaning, but misinformed friends and relatives may suggest 'You should be over
this now,' or 'Shape up; life is for the living.' Don't pressure yourself, you
can't force your grief to disappear.
No two people wear their grief in exactly the same way. The uniqueness of
the relationship creates this uniqueness of response. Sometimes, what looks to
us as not caring or insensitivity is just a different way of grieving.
Your feelings are your feelings -- just let them be. Be gentle with
yourself and don't judge your feelings as good or bad.